I'm going to start reading this tonight. The Beautiful Wife. I have to tell you that I am really excited about it. It focuses on something that I tend to take for granted. My marriage. I am already impressed with these words: What you focus on grows. Let's go.
Here are some words from the author, Sandy Ralya...
Want a Growing Marriage?
My
husband and I were reading a financial book about how to make your money grow
when one of the principles jumped off the page at me:
What you focus on grows.
Because
it’s such a simple principle, I couldn’t get it out of my mind and began
applying it to all areas of life, especially relationships.
Most
women have the desire to grow a more intimate relationship with their husband
yet few focus their desire
long enough to do anything about it.
Thus, nothing changes.
Thus, nothing changes.
- Ignorance,
- Distractions, and/or
- hopelessness are
often to blame.
I
should know. Just 19 when I said, “I do”, I was ignorant about how to
grow my marriage. Our pre-marriage counseling consisted of one two-hour
meeting with my pastor and that wasn’t enough to prepare me for the emotional,
spiritual, and verbal abuse my husband doled out on a regular basis.
The abuse produced pain and grief.
I could think of little else than surviving.
I could think of little else than surviving.
Hope for our future crumbled.
Over
time, I began sharing my pain with a few
trusted, godly women.
Venting my pain and hearing their honest feed-back helped me see that the abuse
I was suffering wasn’t my fault.
I
began seeing a Christian counselor who
gave me tools that helped restore me to a place of strength and dignity.
The
best choice I made was to dig into God’s word and
find out what He wanted to say to me about my marriage. In the Bible I
found the following verses which applied to my situation:
· “…Your godly lives will speak to them
[husbands] better than any words. They will be won over by watching your
pure godly behavior.” (I Peter 3:1,2) In place of preaching to
my husband, I began entrusting my difficult situation to God through
prayer—listening for His instruction.
· “Instead,
we will hold to the truth in love…” (Ephesians 4:15) I began to exchange
preaching for speaking the truth in love—in as few words as possible.
· “See
that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good…” (I
Thessalonians 5:15) On my new path, I chose to respond in kindness
and enforce healthy boundaries in place of angry retaliation.
When
I dug into the word, I learned that my husband wasn’t the only one sinning.
My responses to Tom were often sinful and my
response was the only thing I was responsible for.
(What I wanted was to change my husband but I couldn’t find a biblical reference to support my desire and neither will you)!
(What I wanted was to change my husband but I couldn’t find a biblical reference to support my desire and neither will you)!
Focused
on God and His Word, I was able to reverse negative behavioral patterns in
my life which had long plagued me.
When I did what I could do—keeping my focus on God, HE DID WHAT
I COULD NOT!
He healed me and ultimately my marriage—to
the praise of His glorious grace!
What you focus on grows.
Are you focused on growing your marriage?
What a beautiful Post, Lori. When I was a young mother, I read an article in our church's magazine entitled, 'Changing Me, Changed My Marriage'. It spoke of a woman's quest to do the exact things you spoke of here, with the same miraculous results.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite quotes ever, is from Henry David Thoreau. "For every thousand men hacking at the leaves of evil (meaning whatever current problem one is facing), there is one hacking at the roots". I've always tried to approach each challenge or problem in life with this quote in mind. And God is always at the root of every solution.
Have a good day. : )
Mary Lou