When I first heard the word "courting" I immediately thought of arranged marriages, not one drop of romance and utter misery. How could parents even think for a second that courting was a good idea?
And then I learned what courtship really is.
Get ready to swoon.
Courting is completely romantic. The young man must ask the father for permission to date/court his daughter. This takes bravery and it speaks volumes to the father and the young lady. It's not an easy thing to do! And if the young lady isn't interested, she doesn't have to think of excuses- her dad will do the talking. (The misery I could've avoided when I was young!)
There is the matter of always have a chaperone when the couple is together. But, you know what, this makes "the butterflies" last longer! Sadly, today's movies and tv shows encourage us to rush first kisses, alone time and the like. "Hurry up!", they yell!! Why rush love? Like my grandmother told me years ago... She "waited" for marriage and the rest of her friends rushed into things. She told them, "I can always be like you, but you can never again be like me." So true.
Courting involves the parents inviting the young man to join them in family time. Sports, picnics, church, etc. are great times for everyone to get to know each other. If the couple does get married, the parents, siblings, grand parents are all going to be a part of their lives. You want to at least be able to get along. (Better to find out before the wedding.)
When my girls were this small I really never thought about dating, courtship and marriage for them. Time has me considering our options.
I'm not sure if my husband and I will choose courting or dating but I'm glad that we're more informed about the choices. I like the idea of having control over who spends time with my girls. No waiting up for dates after curfew, no worrying about drinking and driving, etc. Sounds nice, doesn't it?
Courtship is absolutely romantic. It's a commitment that involves effort by the whole family as well as respect, bravery, patience and lots of butterflies. Why can't they make movies about something like this? I'd pay money to go see it- and I'd certainly bring my girls with me.
I was courted by my first boyfriend... He asked my parents and spent a lot of time with my family. Our first kiss was about 6 months into our courtship. We were together for 5 years with no hanky panky going on! It was a safe, fun relationship. If we did go out it was group dates till I was about 17 years old. It gave us plenty of time to see if we were marriage material-we were not. We both wanted completely different things out of life. But I will never regret being courted...one of the best times in my life.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your beautiful story, Robin. I have such respect for the whole idea of courting. So much better than what you see in the movies, in my opinion.:) Lori
ReplyDeleteI never really dated much..but I did leave Chris alone with my dad in the garage (he's a mechanic) for about an hour the 1st time he came to meet my parents (It was to help me deliver all of my FFA fruit) My dad said he liked him and told me i could date him..ha. Never wanted another to date since I was 17!
ReplyDeleteI just wanna lock T-A up in a tower..hahaha..but courting sounds like a good idea!! Although with public school..that can be so hard :( I just wanna keep her home...wahhhh.
I do think that ... somehow ... you have to establish early the kind of home that would assume that romantic relationships would only occur IN the context of the family, and that "private" relationships (where the parents don't even know the boy/girlfriends) simply isn't happening, and isn't the norm. So I think it's never too early to begin setting that standard of being very involved in your kids lives, knowing their friends and their friends' parents. That way, as they grow older, they'll assume that they must pass their dates to you for you to know them. Such a good thing to do!
ReplyDeleteThe movie "Arranged" is wonderfully romantic about a Jewish and a Muslim girl who become friends over the fact that they are going to be in arranged marriages (in the U.S.). I know that's different than courtship, but both girls have a lot to say about who they end up with. A great movie about friendship and romantic love. We saw it thru Netflix.
ReplyDelete