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Mysteries, polka dots, California Rolls, TJ Maxx, cozy blankets, rainy days and getting the first spoonful of peanut butter out of the jar make me smile. Spiders, rude people, cold fingers and toes, baby leashes, people that don't wrap their packages before going to the Post Office, poison ivy and Math (pretty much all of it) make me want to scream. My perfect day would be spent with my wonderful husband and sweet girls- watching movies in our jammies! Of course, having the movie theater to ourselves would be great, too. Please pass the popcorn and M&M's.:) I am saved by the grace of God. He is my constant companion and hears my every prayer. What a blessing! I'd love to hear from you! Lori at toosillysisters@cox.net

Friday, February 17, 2012

The Beautiful Wife

   I'm going to start reading this tonight.  The Beautiful Wife.  I have to tell you that I am really excited about it.  It focuses on something that I tend to take for granted.  My marriage.  I am already impressed with these words: What you focus on grows.  Let's go.

Here are some words from the author, Sandy Ralya...

Want a Growing Marriage?

My husband and I were reading a financial book about how to make your money grow when one of the principles jumped off the page at me:
What you focus on grows. 
Because it’s such a simple principle, I couldn’t get it out of my mind and began applying it to all areas of life, especially relationships.
Most women have the desire to grow a more intimate relationship with their husband
yet  few  focus  their  desire  long  enough  to  do  anything  about  it. 
Thus, nothing changes.  
  • Ignorance, 
  • Distractions, and/or
  • hopelessness are often to blame.
I should know. Just 19 when I said, “I do”, I was ignorant about how to grow my marriage.  Our pre-marriage counseling consisted of one two-hour meeting with my pastor and that wasn’t enough to prepare me for the emotional, spiritual, and verbal abuse my husband doled out on a regular basis.   The abuse produced pain and grief.
I could think of little else than surviving. 
Hope for our future crumbled.
Over time, I began sharing my pain with a few trusted, godly women.  Venting my pain and hearing their honest feed-back helped me see that the abuse I was suffering wasn’t my fault. 
I  began seeing a Christian counselor who gave me tools that helped restore me to a place of strength and dignity. 
The best choice I made was to dig into God’s word and find out what He wanted to say to me about my marriage.  In the Bible I found the following verses which applied to my situation:
·        “…Your godly lives will speak to them [husbands] better than any words.  They will be won over by watching your pure godly behavior.” (I Peter 3:1,2)  In place of preaching to my husband, I began entrusting my difficult situation to God through prayer—listening for His instruction.
·        Instead, we will hold to the truth in love…” (Ephesians 4:15) I began to exchange preaching for speaking the truth in love—in as few words as possible.
·       “See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good…” (I Thessalonians 5:15) On my new path, I chose to respond in kindness and enforce healthy boundaries in place of angry retaliation.
When I dug into the word, I learned that my husband wasn’t the only one sinning.  My responses to Tom were often sinful and my response was the only thing I was responsible for. 
What I wanted was to change my husband but I couldn’t find a biblical reference to support my desire and neither will you)!    
Focused on God and His Word, I was able to reverse negative behavioral patterns in my life which had long plagued me
When I did what I could do—keeping my focus on God, HE DID WHAT I COULD NOT!
He healed me and ultimately my marriage—to the praise of His glorious grace!
What you focus on grows. 
Are you focused on growing your marriage? 

1 comment:

M.L. @ The House of Whimsy said...

What a beautiful Post, Lori. When I was a young mother, I read an article in our church's magazine entitled, 'Changing Me, Changed My Marriage'. It spoke of a woman's quest to do the exact things you spoke of here, with the same miraculous results.
One of my favorite quotes ever, is from Henry David Thoreau. "For every thousand men hacking at the leaves of evil (meaning whatever current problem one is facing), there is one hacking at the roots". I've always tried to approach each challenge or problem in life with this quote in mind. And God is always at the root of every solution.
Have a good day. : )
Mary Lou